You know, you try and try and hope against all odds, and work and think and persevere. You build and sweat and imagine better. You study. You continue to show up. Every now and then you share more than you mean to. At times it feels less and less likely, and you lose hope that one day, just maybe, with a spark and a flash it will finally feel like that unachievable something- success in this world- has finally been achieved.

I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know if I will ever feel that I’ve achieved the long-sought-after intangible dream I somehow continue to hold into, despite it all. I don’t know if it will get easier. But I’ll keep on working for it.

One year ago, everything changed.

After months of nervousness, excitement, preparation and labor Tobias arrived and we each got to hold him in our arms, and the experience was like none I’d never felt before.

Holding your newborn child is simply a revelation. It feels perfect, and sweet, like you were meant to comfort and carry this tiny person whose beautiful eyes look up at you and all around, taking it all in. You feel so many emotions. Of course he cried and needed comfort and endless diaper changes and late nights, and the first several weeks (or several months, who knows) were a fatigue-streaked wreck of 3am rocking, song-singing, endless laundry, chaotic bath times, and many many tears (from all parties involved). But when you hold him and comfort him and see his eyes drift closed, you feel that all is going to be fine, and you just might be up to the task.

Little Toby grew so swiftly! He learned to laugh with us. We noticed which things he loves the most- being read to, seeing people dance or act silly, and hearing music, which he enjoys as much now as he did in the womb. But a true highlight has always been simply to hold him. I became much better at comforting him to sleep over time and with practice, and learned how he best liked to be cradled, and I’d hold his hand and support his head and he would drift away and sleep deeply enough that I could just manage to transfer him to the crib without waking him up. Success!

I feel a profound responsibility and good fortune, knowing that I have the opportunity to teach and comfort and care for Toby as he grows more and more. Maybe I’ll be as important to him as my Dad was to me. I expect he will push us to grow too, and the parenting life will be even more frustrating and enlightening and challenging and surprising and complicated in the many years to come. But the first year has been an inexpressible delight. Really… challenging but delightful.

As Toby turns one year old, I’ll be cheering for him and cheering for myself and Marion Edgemeyer to keep up the hard work. We’re actually doing it! He’s such a sweet kid, with an infectious smile and a curious nature. I’ll never forget the firsts we’ve experienced, like his first visit to the ocean- the sunset in the distance as we walked closer and closer to the surf, slowly approaching the infinite expanse. His first words, from “apple” to “mama” and “dada” to made up words like “zizzazz” and the ever-so-versatile “bap” and “bap bap bap”. The first time he sat up, and the first time he rolled over. His first steps, still to come.

I’ll be right here for him, cheering him on.

On June 3, the New York Times published an opinion piece by Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton calling for the use of the United States Military to suppress the ongoing Black Lives Matter protests in cities across the country. I am writing to express my disappointment that the editors, including James Bennet, chose to publish this appalling perspective.

Mr. Cotton’s editorial is a derogatory and inflammatory argument for violent suppression of citizens’ voices and the establishment of an oppressive military state. As a lawmaker, Cotton should have more respect for American citizens’ right to assemble and to express themselves freely. Use of military force on a country’s own citizens in response to scattered rioting amongst primarily peaceful demonstrations would be a disproportionate response, and would amount to the suspension of the Constitution. It would surely result in more loss of life among both protestors and law enforcers, and escalate the already tense situation.

The choice to circulate this opinion is more than a matter of “considering alternate perspectives.” By lending Cotton the voice and wide circulation of the “paper of record”, Bennet and his colleagues have deliberately contributed to creating a more dangerous environment for Black people in the whole country as well as for their supporters in America’s cities, and for Black journalists.

As a member of the Religious Society of Friends, who hold dear the testimonies of peace, community, and equality, it runs counter to my convictions. A truly free, democratic government should not even consider exerting the inordinate violent potential of its own military against its own people, especially in such a situation which would single out and cause greater violence to a minority group that is already suffering from police brutality.

There is a good reason why the New York Times’ Black reporters have uniformly joined in protesting the publication of this editorial. I request that the op-ed be retracted and call for Tom Cotton to immediately resign his Congressional seat for advancing this kind of anti-constitutional, inflammatory rhetoric.