I’ve been feeling, at the same time, profoundly disillusioned in my career and both challenged and overwhelmed by home life. When I returned from a couple weeks of Christmas vacation with my family, the managers at the Japanese Garden sprung a surprise conversation- “We’re letting you go.” It was crushing, and I remain crushed. I tried really hard and truly enjoyed that job, and to completely and utterly fail and crash out in this way has shaken me.

What in the hell was I even doing there? I am so tired of putting my all into these pursuits – work, school, etc. and having them go absolutely no where. I feel betrayed; people who I considered friends and comrades have rejected and forgotten me. This won’t be the first time and won’t be the last time. I had known for a while that this might be coming; managers had been dropping sneaky corporate-speak disciplinary BS for a couple years, issuing a PIP and passively aggressively bullying me and making me feel awful. The toxicity of that culture has been taking its toll on me, and to some extent, it feels good to be free of it. Now I must leave the past behind me and move on.

Meanwhile, the kids Toby and Daphne are at home growing and growing every day, and it is both extremely challenging and extremely interesting to watch them develop.